In My Heart, but Not in My Arms!

When I am in my car, tears begin to stream down my face. When I am in the shower, I sob uncontrollably. When I am in bed, I silently cry. I dream about having you here with me, in my arms, but it turns into a nightmare as I watch you take your last breath. I never got to hold you. I never got to see you on ultrasound. I never got to hear your heart beat. I bleed so much until that I had left was an empty womb and a broken heart.

Tomorrow we have to celebrate your due date with empty arms and hurting hearts. 8 months ago you were taken from us to soon. You entered our lives so silently and was gone in an instant. We had prayed for you for far to long to just have it all taken away. Still we trust in God, as we continue to pray, to become parents! We go on with each day remembering you always. As your heart beats in heaven, ours beat here. Here we have to stay and wait for the day we can finally hold you. All the while Longing to hear your laughter… Longing to see your precious smile…. Longing to watch you grow….. Longing to see who you look like….. Longing to watch your first steps…. Longing to wipe your tears away…. Longing to kiss your boo-boos… Longing to get to know you…. Longing to tuck you in at night…. Longing to sing you sweet lullabies…… Longing to hold you near…..  So many things we both long to do and to see, but yet here we are, unable to. We face each day supporting one another during the hard times and during the times we miss you more than anything. No one else do we open up to. No one else really knows how hard it is for. No one else asks. No one else bothers to show they care. Do they not know that we will carry you in our hearts everyday of our lives? Do they not understand that it is still so painful? Do they not understand that this isn’t something you can just “get over” ? Do they not get that you are our child even though you weren’t here long? So many questions as to why no one seems to really care, but us.

Miscarriages are something that just isn’t talked about… It’s something that many have to suffer in silence with. It something that is so painful it can split up families… Don’t let that happen to someone you know and love because depression is always there waiting to creep in. Waiting there to make them isolate themselves from loved ones and friends. Waiting there to cause sleepless nights. Waiting there with nightmares of the loss of their child. Waiting there to slowly drain them. Waiting there to cause mood swings. Waiting there to take over their lives so slowly. Your words don’t really help because no one can seem to say the right things….. Just be there….. Let them cry….. Let them know you care…. Let them know you acknowledge their loss…. Let them know you acknowledge the child they lost… Let them mourn, however long it takes them… Let them process what happened without judgment or rushing….. Let them talk to their child that was ripped away from them… Just don’t let them go through this alone no matter how uncomfortable it may make you feel….. JUST BE THERE FOR THEM! 18951405_1865643417029789_3566394488318533654_n

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