I have had people ask me why I am so serious all the time and to tell me to lighten up and relax! I have always considered myself as an easy going and relaxed person, but when I know something has to be done its time to get it done and have fun afterwards! I handle stress fairly well and don’t understand people who don’t. I am punctual and can’t understand someone who isn’t. I hate procrastination and it baffles me when people procrastinate on a daily basis. I like to be organized and find it challenging to be somewhere that isn’t. I like to schedule and plan and it bothers me when those are interrupted with spontaneous unscheduled events. I have to fight against being critical of others. I don’t concentrate on the whole picture, but rather the details that make up the whole picture. I work better alone and feel I get more stuff done, but I can work in teams if needed. I believe strongly in doing what you say you are going to do. I fully think out and study a decision before I make one. I have a hard time emotionally connecting with others unless I have known them and know I can fully trust them and be myself around them. I don’t tolerate much and dishonesty is one of them. When I do show my emotions, to me, it represents opening yourself up to someone in a vulnerable state and truly trusting that person. Once I am in a relationship or friendship with someone I fully commit myself. My morals are concrete. I enjoy teaching and the preparation it takes to put in what you are teaching. I don’t understand people who do things on a whim. I have trouble with people who don’t manage their time properly. Although I struggle with all this I am an introvert and rarely speak out how badly certain things bother me. I long for peace and harmony and I think about the consequences of my actions if I don’t keep certain things to myself. I do, however, have moments to where I just don’t care and speak it anyways. I guess some would consider me a serious person, but I am not really. I enjoy goofing off and having fun it’s just that there is a time and place for it……. I am a realist and a logistician 🙂 With saying all of this I must also add that I am working and praying for GOD to change in me the areas that need to be changed! Also that I am married to a man who is literally the complete opposite and it works! At times it’s hard for me to understand why he procrastinates,is unorganized, spontaneous, gets stressed easily, and so many other things, but in the same way he literally completes me. We are so very different, but he reminds me not to be serious all the time and to have fun! I try to understand people, but their actions speak a lot louder than their words. I analyze other’s lives like I analyze my own life…All in all once I know you are trustworthy, loyal, honest, and keep your word is when I am myself and feel safe around you it is then that I let my goofy side out 🙂
Yesterday I celebrated my 25th birthday! It donged on me that I am now half way to being 50!!! As I looked back on my life over these past few days I have realized just how fast the years have flown by. I can remember being a preteen and daydreaming about the day I would finally turn 16, like it was such a huge milestone in my life to be 16 and in high school! once I turned 16 I was not satisfied, I wanted to be older so I could have more “freedom” I just couldn’t wait to be 18. I wanted so badly to be grown and out on my own that I “ran away” from home at 17 and stayed with a friend, then a family member, and then a dear friend of the family’s. It was then that I felt grown up,I guess you could say, but little did I know that I was rushing through my life, wanting it to go by faster, that I didn’t get to fully enjoy being a teenage….. I didn’t get experience life as a teen and all the things that came with being in high school……. Shortly after I moved out I meet a man that I have called my husband for the past 6 1/2 years :-). When we first meet we were inseparable, still are lol. Once things got serious I really wanted to rush my life so that I could be 18 and marry this man that I love so much. once I turned 18 we got married 6 months later and by then I had dropped out of high school bc some part of me couldn’t understand how I could be a wife in high school….. bc it just doesn’t go together lol…… So we got married and moved in with my mom and step-dad for 3 weeks while we waited to close on our house! it was so exciting, here I was 18, a newlywed, closing on our first house! After we finally moved in and got settled I felt as though I was finally where I always wanted to be, an adult. Here I was married, not in school, no job, and just sitting at home all day doing my “wifely” duties. Soon I began to feel like I was loosing who I was as a person. I had no independence…. I then realized how fast I was trying to get through my life! Many have said that I have always acted older than I really am and I guess that is what pushed me to want to actually be older. Although,having that being said, people would often forget how old I really was and would call me immature in my moments that I would somewhat act my age. It wasn’t until I was 19 that my view on life changed and that was when I gave my life to Christ! Then is when I really started living and enjoying what life had to offer me through serving God! So here I am 25 years old and taking each day as it comes. I am no longer waiting to be older or trying to rush my life, but instead I am allowing God to guide me and mature me. Here I am half way to being 50 and loving every minute of it. I work, I volunteer, I go to school, I teach children’s church, I sing in worship, I am a wife, and I long to be a mother. This is me now, no longer trying to just get through my life, but living it. Here I am….. Here I am, I am where I want to be.
So over this past weekend my husband and I finally moved into to our new house. A house that we now call “our home.” After one sprained wrist and many bruises from moving, we are finally getting settled. Spending our time that we have unpacking, rearranging, organizing, and putting things where they belong. Although it seems like a lot, we are still so excited to be doing it. We once again we have a place that we can truly call our own! We once again we have a home that we can make it our own…. finally….. So here we are ready to start new adventures and create lasting memories in this lovely place that we call “our home.” Our excitement is at an all time high knowing of where we have been and what is to come. I can’t thank God enough for where He has brought us 🙂 Every moment that I am away from our home I can’t wait to go back to it and work more to create a place that we love and adore to call ours. Once again we can have family game night and host family functions at our home. Once again we can enjoy a yard and the joys of having our own space. Once again we finally get settled into a place that is ours! Blessed are we to have this opportunity and how blessed we are knowing what next huge adventure stands before us!
The way I was raised I cherish so much. All the memories I have while spending time in the kitchen watching and learning as my grandmother cooked for her family. The smells that filled the air as her food simmered on the stove. The taste of her homemade preserves and the work she so lovingly put into making them. The precise way she made her peanut butter frosting for the most delicious peanut butter cakes I have ever put in my mouth. The tips and tricks she shared with me while she cooked. So many memories I have and will always have. These memories drive the desire to be the women I want to be. The thought of canning, cooking, mixing, prepping, and making food for my family excites me, it gives me a feeling of accomplishment. So many things I do in the kitchen brings back all the memories I have standing next to my grandmother as a young child, helping her, assisting her with anything she needed. These type of memories that you create with a child will never be forgotten. It isn’t about the stuff you buy them… it’s about the time and love you pour into them.
My grandmother taught me to love and enjoy cooking even when you have had a bad day and everything else around you isn’t going your way because the love you put into what you cook makes it all the better. She had a rough life all the years she spent on this earth. She took care of everyone and always put herself last. She didn’t have the privilege to attend school because her mother died when she was young and it became her responsibility to care for the house and her siblings while her father worked. She married young and practically raised her 6 children( 5 boys and 1 girl)by herself because she had an unfaithful husband. She experienced the death of her youngest and only little girl who was 8 years old because she was hit by a vehicle while crossing the street (my dad seen the whole thing and watched her die, he still has trouble talking about her). She had people living in and out of her house and caring for them her whole life. All she went through and had to do amazes me.
When she would cook she done it with such peace and no complaints, she enjoyed it. I to have grown up to enjoy cooking. I enjoy the process that she taught me while making her preserves. The time it takes to make the best chicken and dumplings you will ever eat. The way you make the most delicious cat-head biscuits you will ever come across. The secrete to her simple homemade gravy. The way she would prepare and fry salmon patties. So many things that I will never forget and that I will get to continue to pass down. I made my first batch of biscuits and gravy when I was 8 years old and still make them the same way today. I was raised to love food and to have a passion to cook it.
One of my greatest dreams is to own a restaurant of my own one day and to have a menu full of my own recipes and to serve only the best homemade food possible. I will remember always of what you have taught me!
Your smile I have pictured. Your laugh I have imagined. Your beauty I have wondered. Your sweetness I have desired. Your preciousness I have longed for. You I will have. Your smile I will see. Your laugh I will hear. Your beauty I will gaze on. You sweetness I will feel. Your preciousness will fill me. You I will have. All in time. You I will have.
So its only a week away until my husband and I will be moving. Finally going to be back in a house instead of an apartment. Finally going to have our own yard again. Finally going to have our own privacy again. Finally. Finally. Finally. I am so ready to get moved. Ready To decorate how we want. Ready to make it our own. Ready to give our special touch. Ready. Ready. Ready. It feels like it has been forever since we have been in a place that we can truly call ours! Excited about all the changes that are to happen. School, moving, adoption process and only God knows what else is to come our way. So thankful that God is in control and I can trust in Him fully to guide our every step.
As my husband and I crawled in bed I urged him to turn on our fan. After getting settled in I asked him once again and received no reply, he just continued to lay there with his eyes closed breathing so softly. I, being insistent, gently nudged and asked, yet again, to turn our fan on so that we could go to sleep. He replied ever so sweetly, saying “SSSH and listen”…… not sure of what he wanted me to listen to I asked and he replied “SSSH and listen, listen to the rain for a minute.” So there I was snuggled against him and listening, listening to the gentle thump of the rain falling. The longer I listened the more it began to sound rhythmical like it was a song being played. Soon I was overwhelmed with how relaxing it was to just SSSH and listen that I began to think how we just rush our lives trying to get through each task that we have planned from day to day. We don’t stop and smell the roses as many say, but today I tell you stop, stop and listen to the rain that falls to the earth to revitalize this world that we live. Stop and watch the clouds float so peacefully above our heads. Stop and gaze upon the beauty that lies before our very eyes that we so sadly take for granted. Stop, SSSH and listen!